Females with Aspergers Syndrome Checklist by Samantha Craft

Disclaimer: This is my opinion and based on my experience after 12 years of researching about autism and being officially diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome. It is not meant to replace the DSM-V Autism Spectrum Disorder definition nor is this list meant to serve as an official diagnostic tool. Hundreds of women have used this list in conjunction with the DSM-IV or DSM-V and a professional mental health professional’s guidance. It is also based on 4.5 years of communicating almost daily with those that are diagnosed with autism and some that believe themselves to be on the spectrum. It is not all inclusive. Some will fit into categories and not be autistic/Asperian. This is meant as a springboard for discussion and more awareness into the female experience with autism.

* Highly intelligent does not relate to IQ levels. Often Aspies are dyslexic and have dysgraphia and other learning disabilities but can be highly intelligent about particular subject matters, out-of-the-box thinking, and verbal fluency capacities.


Females with Asperger’s Syndrome Unofficial Checklist 

Sam’s book Everyday Asperges is now available here and in multiple countries on Amazon. Strong reviews!

This is an unofficial checklist created by an adult female with Asperger’s Syndrome (AS) who has a son with Asperger’s Syndrome. Samantha Craft has a Masters Degree in Education. Samantha Craft does not hold a doctorate in Psychiatry or Psychology. She has a life-credential as a result of being a female with Asperger’s Syndrome and being a parent of a child with Asperger’s Syndrome. She has created this list in an effort to assist health professionals in recognizing Asperger’s Syndrome in females—for in-depth information regarding females with AS refer to Craft’s upcoming book Everyday AspergersTen Traits of Aspergers can be found here.

Suggested Use: Check off all areas that strongly apply to the person. If each area has 75%-80% of the statements checked, or more, then you may want to consider that the female may have Asperger’s Syndrome.

When determining an AS diagnosis (or Autism Spectrum diagnosis) reviewing an individual’s childhood, adolescence, young adulthood, and present day is advisable. This particularly applies to communication challenges; many  females with AS teach themselves the communication rules to the point of extreme. A primary identifier might be they are still teaching themselves social and communication rules; in other words they are still rehearsing. (Section A consideration/prolific artist in place of writer and/or both.)

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Section A: Deep Thinkers

  1. A deep thinker
  2. A prolific writer drawn to poetry
  3. *Highly intelligent
  4. Sees things at multiple levels, including her own thinking processes
  5. Analyzes existence, the meaning of life, and everything, continually
  6. Serious and matter-of-fact in nature
  7. Doesn’t take things for granted
  8. Doesn’t simplify
  9. Everything is complex
  10. Often gets lost in own thoughts and “checks out” (blank stare)

Section B: Innocent

  1. Naïve
  2. Honest
  3. Experiences trouble with lying
  4. Finds it difficult to understand manipulation and disloyalty
  5. Finds it difficult to understand vindictive behavior and retaliation
  6. Easily fooled and conned
  7. Feelings of confusion and being overwhelmed
  8. Feelings of being misplaced and/or from another planet
  9. Feelings of isolation
  10. Abused or taken advantage of as a child but didn’t think to tell anyone

Section C: Escape and Friendship

  1. Survives overwhelming emotions and senses by escaping in thought or action
  2. Escapes regularly through fixations, obsessions, and over-interest in subjects
  3. Escapes routinely through imagination, fantasy, and daydreaming
  4. Escapes through mental processing
  5. Escapes through the rhythm of words
  6. Philosophizes, continually
  7. Had imaginary friends in youth
  8. Imitates people on television or in movies
  9. Treated friends as “pawns” in youth, e.g., friends were “students” “consumers” “members”
  10. Makes friends with older or younger females more so than friends her age (often in young adulthood)
  11. Imitates friends or peers in style, dress, attitude, interests, and manner (sometimes speech)
  12. Obsessively collects and organizes objects
  13. Mastered imitation
  14. Escapes by playing the same music over and over
  15. Escapes through a relationship (imagined or real)
  16. Numbers bring ease (could be numbers associated with patterns, calculations, lists, time and/or personification)
  17. Escapes through counting, categorizing, organizing, rearranging
  18. Escapes into other rooms at parties
  19. Cannot relax or rest without many thoughts
  20. Everything has a purpose

Section D: Comorbid Attributes

  1. OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)
  2. Sensory Issues (sight, sound, texture, smells, taste) (might have synesthesia)
  3. Generalized Anxiety
  4. Sense of pending danger or doom
  5. Feelings of polar extremes (depressed/over-joyed; inconsiderate/over-sensitive)
  6. Poor muscle tone, double-jointed, and/or lack in coordination (may have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome and/or Hypotonia and/or POTS syndrome)
  7. Eating disorders, food obsessions, and/or worry about what is eaten
  8. Irritable bowel and/or intestinal issues
  9. Chronic fatigue and/or immune challenges
  10. Misdiagnosed or diagnosed with a mental illness
  11. Experiences multiple physical symptoms, perhaps labeled “hypochondriac”
  12. Questions place in the world
  13. Often drops small objects
  14. Wonders who she is and what is expected of her
  15. Searches for right and wrong
  16. Since puberty has had bouts of depression (may have PMDD)
  17. Flicks/rubs fingernails, picks scalp/skin, flaps hands, rubs hands together, tucks hands under or between legs, keeps closed fists, paces in circles, and/or clears throat often

Section E: Social Interaction

  1. Friends have ended friendship suddenly (without female with AS understanding why) and/or difficult time making friends
  2. Tendency to overshare
  3. Spills intimate details to strangers
  4. Raised hand too much in class or didn’t participate in class
  5. Little impulse control with speaking when younger
  6. Monopolizes conversation at times
  7. Brings subject back to self
  8. Comes across at times as narcissistic and controlling (is not narcissistic)
  9. Shares in order to reach out
  10. Often sounds eager and over-zealous or apathetic and disinterested
  11. Holds a lot of thoughts, ideas, and feelings inside
  12. Feels as if she is attempting to communicate “correctly”
  13. Obsesses about the potentiality of a relationship with someone, particularly a love interest or feasible new friendship
  14. Confused by the rules of accurate eye contact, tone of voice, proximity of body, body stance, and posture in conversation
  15. Conversation are often exhausting
  16. Questions the actions and behaviors of self and others, continually
  17. Feels as if missing a conversation “gene” or thought-filter
  18. Trained self in social interactions through readings and studying of other people
  19. Visualizes and practices how she will act around others
  20. Practices/rehearses in mind what she will say to another before entering the room
  21. Difficulty filtering out background noise when talking to others
  22. Has a continuous dialogue in mind that tells her what to say and how to act when in a social situation
  23. Sense of humor sometimes seems quirky, odd, inappropriate, or different from others
  24. As a child it was hard to know when it was her turn to talk
  25. Finds norms of conversation confusing
  26. Finds unwritten and unspoken rules difficult to grasp, remember, and apply

Section F: Finds Refuge when Alone

  1. Feels extreme relief when she doesn’t have to go anywhere, talk to anyone, answer calls, or leave the house but at the same time will often harbor guilt for “hibernating” and not doing “what everyone else is doing”
  2. One visitor at the home may be perceived as a threat (this can even be a familiar family member)
  3. Knowing logically a house visitor is not a threat, doesn’t relieve the anxiety
  4. Feelings of dread about upcoming events and appointments on the calendar
  5. Knowing she has to leave the house causes anxiety from the moment she wakes up
  6. All the steps involved in leaving the house are overwhelming and exhausting to think about
  7. She prepares herself mentally for outings, excursions, meetings, and appointments, often days before a scheduled event
  8. OCD tendencies when it comes to concepts of time, being on time, tracking time, recording time, and managing time (could be carried over to money, as well)
  9. Questions next steps and movements, continually
  10. Sometimes feels as if she is on stage being watched and/or a sense of always having to act out the “right” steps, even when she is home alone
  11. Telling self the “right” words and/or positive self-talk (CBT) doesn’t typically alleviate anxiety. CBT may cause increased feelings of inadequacy.
  12. Knowing she is staying home all day brings great peace of mind
  13. Requires a large amount of down time or alone time
  14. Feels guilty after spending a lot of time on a special interest
  15. Uncomfortable in public locker rooms, bathrooms, and/or dressing rooms
  16. Dislikes being in a crowded mall, crowded gym, and/or crowded theater

Section G: Sensitive

  1. Sensitive to sounds, textures, temperature, and/or smells when trying to sleep
  2. Adjusts bedclothes, bedding, and/or environment in an attempt to find comfort
  3. Dreams are anxiety-ridden, vivid, complex, and/or precognitive in nature
  4. Highly intuitive to others’ feelings
  5. Highly empathetic, sometimes to the point of confusion
  6. Takes criticism to heart
  7. Longs to be seen, heard, and understood
  8. Questions if she is a “normal” person
  9. Highly susceptible to outsiders’ viewpoints and opinions
  10. At times adapts her view of life or actions based on others’ opinions or words
  11. Recognizes own limitations in many areas daily, if not hourly
  12. Becomes hurt when others question or doubt her work
  13. Views many things as an extension of self
  14. Fears others opinions, criticism, and judgment
  15. Dislikes words and events that hurt animals and people
  16. Collects or rescues animals (often in childhood)
  17. Huge compassion for suffering (sometimes for inanimate objects/personification)
  18. Sensitive to substances (environmental toxins, foods, alcohol, medication, hormones, etc.)
  19. Tries to help, offers unsolicited advice, or formalizes plans of action
  20. Questions life purpose and how to be a “better” person
  21. Seeks to understand abilities, skills, and/or gifts

Section H: Sense of Self

  1. Feels trapped between wanting to be herself and wanting to fit in
  2. Imitates others without realizing it
  3. Suppresses true wishes (often in young adulthood)
  4. Exhibits codependent behaviors (often in young adulthood)
  5. Adapts self in order to avoid ridicule
  6. Rejects social norms and/or questions social norms
  7. Feelings of extreme isolation
  8. Feeling good about self takes a lot of effort and work
  9. Switches preferences based on environment and other people
  10. Switches behavior based on environment and other people
  11. Didn’t care about her hygiene, clothes, and appearance before teenage years and/or before someone else pointed these out to her
  12. “Freaks out” but doesn’t know why until later
  13. Young sounding voice
  14. Trouble recognizing what she looks like and/or has occurrences of slight prosopagnosia (difficulty recognizing or remembering faces)
  15. Feels significantly younger on the inside than on the outside (perpetually twelve)

Section I: Confusion

  1. Had a hard time learning that others are not always honest
  2. Feelings seem confusing, illogical, and unpredictable (self’s and others’)
  3. Confuses appointment times, numbers, and/or dates
  4. Expects that by acting a certain way certain results can be achieved, but realizes in dealing with emotions, those results don’t always manifest
  5. Spoke frankly and literally in youth
  6. Jokes go over the head
  7. Confused when others ostracize, shun, belittle, trick, and betray
  8. Trouble identifying feelings unless they are extreme
  9. Trouble with emotions of hate and dislike
  10. Feels sorry for someone who has persecuted or hurt her
  11. Personal feelings of anger, outrage, deep love, fear, giddiness, and anticipation seem to be easier to identify than emotions of joy, satisfaction, calmness, and serenity
  12. Difficulty recognizing how extreme emotions (outrage, deep love) will affect her and challenges transferring what has been learned about emotions from one situation to the next
  13. Situations and conversations sometimes perceived as black or white
  14. The middle spectrum of outcomes, events, and emotions is sometimes overlooked or misunderstood (all or nothing mentality)
  15. A small fight might signal the end of a relationship or collapse of world
  16. A small compliment might boost her into a state of bliss

Section J: Words, Numbers, and Patterns

  1. Likes to know word origins and/or origin of historical facts/root cause and foundation
  2. Confused when there is more than one meaning (or spelling) to a word
  3. High interest in songs and song lyrics
  4. Notices patterns frequently
  5. Remembers things in visual pictures
  6. Remembers exact details about someone’s life
  7. Has a remarkable memory for certain details
  8. Writes or creates to relieve anxiety
  9. Has certain “feelings” or emotions towards words and/or numbers
  10. Words and/or numbers bring a sense of comfort and peace, akin to a friendship

(Optional) Executive Functioning & Motor Skills  This area isn’t always as evident as other areas

  1. Simple tasks can cause extreme hardship
  2. Learning to drive a car or rounding the corner in a hallway can be troublesome
  3. New places offer their own set of challenges
  4. Anything that requires a reasonable amount of steps, dexterity, or know-how can rouse a sense of panic
  5. The thought of repairing, fixing, or locating something can cause anxiety
  6. Mundane tasks are avoided
  7. Cleaning self and home may seem insurmountable
  8. Many questions come to mind when setting about to do a task
  9. Might leave the house with mismatched socks, shirt buttoned incorrectly, and/or have dyslexia and/or dysgraphia
  10. A trip to the grocery store can be overwhelming
  11. Trouble copying dance steps, aerobic moves, or direction in a sports gym class
  12. Has a hard time finding certain objects in the house but remembers with exact clarity where other objects are; not being able to locate something or thinking about locating something can cause feelings of intense anxiety (object permanence challenges) (even with something as simple as opening an envelope)

This unofficial checklist can be copied for therapists, counselors, psychiatrists, psychologists, professors, teachers, and relatives, if Samantha Craft’s name and contact information remain on the print out. This list was created in 2012 and updated in May 2016. 

Sam’s best selling book

Author’s Note: This post was originally composed when Asperger’s Syndrome was a stand-alone diagnosis. At that time, not much was written or discussed about females on the autism spectrum, particularly not the rules of semantics to utilize when referring to other autistic women. In the four years since my online writings began, much to do about semantics in relationship to Autism Spectrum Disorders has emerged. Even the word “disorder” is a trigger word for some, myself included. Today, I prefer to write “I am autistic” or “I am Aspie,” when referring to myself, instead of “a person with autism/Aspergers.” (People-first versus condition/diagnosis-first) Primarily, because I don’t have Aspergers—rather I am Aspie. Aspergers is innately who I am as an individual and not some tagline—like a disease.With that said, while I am sensitive to the ongoing terminology debate and the growing trend (and need) to move beyond identifying one’s self with a “disorder,” in order to keep the authenticity and voice of the original works, including accurately reflecting how I experienced life and trends in the societal and psychological fields at the time, I chose to not make any specific broad-based terminology alterations in this post.

Samantha Craft (@aspergersgirls) compiled this page. She has corresponded with thousands of individuals touched by autism in their lives. Sam is the author of Everyday Aspergers, a revealing memoir, ten years in the making, about the everyday life of an autistic woman. More information can be found atSpectrum Suite LLC, myspectrumsuite.com




351 thoughts on “Females with Aspergers Syndrome Checklist by Samantha Craft

    1. I had this same experience but with my daughters peditrician so I seeked out a child psychologist as I was told by her peds doctor that I am insane and its just her ADHD but I am her mother and knew something else was wrong, well after a lot assessments by the psychologist she was just diagnosed this summer at the age of 9 with Aspergers…so if you feel there is something the doctor is missing take it upon yourself to seek outside help, can not hurt at all


  1. Yep, I’m aspire, as well as my 3 oldest children(7 in total). The only trait I don’t have is not remembering faces. Thank you so much for all your work. I’m 40 years old and have always wondered what’s wrong with me. It’s so freeing to understand why I am the way I am. Just a few years ago, I finally decided to stop trying to fit in and to just give myself grace to be me.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow, I checked off all but a few of these, I have always always always wondered what was wrong with me. I need to get to place of just being myself and being ok with that.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I LOVE being an Aspie, I would never want to be anyway. I like me to bad if others don’t I wasn’t put on this wonderful earth for other so called normal people’s entertainment. Aspies are fun. God loves Aspies. That is all that counts. So what what other people think. We are nice, fair, and we don’t ask for our own bathrooms. La de da.


    1. The statement “and we don’t ask for our own bathrooms. La de da.” negates your previous statement about being nice and fair.

      Both myself and my 14 year old son are Aspie’s. My 8 year old child is transgender… Born female but identifies as male. I’m sure you wouldn’t appreciate a neuro-typical person questioning or belittling your struggles as an Aspie’s so it’s hardly nice or fair for you to do so to a group of people you clearly do not understand.

      Liked by 4 people

  3. Well that’s me, it’s incredibly odd to get diagnosed in your twenties and see your personality in a giant list occasionally on the internet; not the first time i’ve seen one, but this one is definitely the most accurate and substantial!
    I am also a female Autism advocate now, as so many women go diagnosed; You are doing great research, with clearly great results!



    1. I’m in the first stages of receiving a diagnosis, and as a late-twenties woman. This literally describes me, to an absolute T. My usual therapist even said during our first appointments that I seem to only need help in adjusting to normal society (and this was without me even mentioning all of my symptoms, and no mention of autism).


  4. wow! I want to thank you for this post! I am in my sixties and finally feel like someone really does understand what i go through daily! Thank you thank you thank you!


    1. I am also in my sixties and finally able to understand so many of the problems I have had over the years trying to interact with people.


  5. I came here to learn more because my niece has been identified as being on the spectrum. I’m walking away a little shook-to-the-core at how much of this list reflects my personal experiences. I don’t know what to do with this information or that it really matters for me. But it’s not what I expected. Thank you, this is a lot to think about both for my niece and for me.


  6. I feel like I relate a lot to this. Today I asked my counsellor if she thought it was possible I could have AS. I felt ridiculous asking. I felt even more so when she all but dismissed the idea straight away. Maybe I am just looking for an excuse for myself. I don’t know what to do now :/

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I went to a therapist and she said I have a personality disorder. I also explained some of my as traits after reading your list but I procrastinated and didn’t prepare and write everything down thinking I would remember everything. I also explained about my exzema in my scalp and sensory and how I shaved my head and now my hair is not in my face but I wear wigs and they make me feel happy and that is one of my stims and over interests. Well she looked at me like I was crazy. Why didn’t you just go to the dermatologist and get a steroid cream etc. I explained that I am sensitive to medications and have allergies and autoimmune problems and like natural remedies and I cut dairy which is what I did for my 2 autistic children that are 2 and 4 boy and girl. I was pissed I told her about not being able to wear nothing except cotton, my mom telling me I am naive no common sense I think in musical notes I don’t listen and this was back in the 80s. I told her I have been rocking side to side my whole life I wear mainly black cotton clothes I eat one thing at a time I stim people call me quirky I have fibromyalgia symptoms sensitivities to light sound etc the list goes on plus OCD and ADHD and dyslexia I tried to tell her everything and she didn’t seem to know sh.. about female high functioning autism. Then I went to a Neuropsychologist and he seemed to only know the male traits but he says he has a quirky daughter like me etc…I explained I have a hard time collecting or processing my thoughts I feel like I come from another planet a lot of things people understand right away I do backwards but if you ask me about wigs, computers, or music then I feel like I am intelligent. I do better with writing when I talk I am all over the place worse than this. Now this week he is doing cognitive testing he did say a lot of what I have “falls in line” with aspergers but he doesn’t want to put me in a box…WTH is that supposed to mean? Because of my insurance I am limited in people I can see for this and I am fighting to get a diagnosis but can I find someone who has experience like everyone else did. I also made an appointment with a female psychologist who specializes in high functioning autism we’ll see….I know I have as and I am a carrier of the FMR1 gene so supposedly all my children that I have will have autism. I know I am a perfectionist and look in the mirror constantly and I am quirky and when someone pushes me and sends me to overload in a job I want to run away or if I’m not interested in the job I want to run away….anyway your information has brought me comfort I hope I can find someone who can help me get a diagnosis. I can’t even go to the mall if it’s crowded I want to eat me food in the corner of the food court I hate too many loud noises the list goes on….but hey I love my babies and I am a great mom so I just want someone I speak to professionally to understand me so if you have any suggestions that would be great.


    1. I feel like this! Particularly reading this list; not 100% but a lot of it just feels like a description of my personality. But I’m 27 and I feel like to ask now would just be seen as looking for a problem where there isn’t one. Social and work stuff can feel too hard sometimes so I can definitely relate to wanting ‘an excuse for myself’. Hope you find whatever support you need soon 🙂 x


  7. Hello! I am almost 28 years old and grew up extremely shy, introverted, and had some sensory issues as a child that I still have as an adult. As an adult I struggle to fit in, I still feel like a child compared to other women (even though I know I’m not) I have a lot of social awkwardness, social anxiety, I can’t do eye contact, I have OCD tendencies, and a lot more. A few months ago I started researching aspergers and adult autism and almost every single aspie quiz, checklist, and diagnostic tool that I have taken, always says that I’m somewhere on the spectrum. I would obviously have to be high functioning, because I live a pretty typical life and I am a successful adult. But I still struggle in certain areas, especially socially. I took your checklist and I scored 112 out of 173. In 7 sections, I scored 75%, in 3 sections I scored 50%, and in one section I scored 30%. Does this indicate a possibility of female aspergers? This isn’t the first checklist that I’ve done, but it’s probably among one of the few in depth ones that I’ve taken, and all of the others that I have taken, also indicate on the spectrum. I’m not sure I want an official diagnosis, but more for my own peace of mind. Thank you!!!


    1. Welcome. It would be very hard for me to determine unless I knew you well. I encourage you to seek out others in the community and get their thoughts and insights. This is just one example from my experiences — and doesn’t indicate yes or no. I wish you the best.


  8. At 66, and seeing that at least two of my four kids seem to be on the spectrum, I went through this checklist. I don’t see to fit much into certain areas, especially the comorbid stuff. OTOH, at my age, I really think that being better equipped in social situations stems from having studied them for so long!

    In total, I count 93 attributes on your list as applicable, or more than half. And, as noted, it would undoubtedly be more, if I were in my 20’s or even 40’s.

    I do have a question, though. A lot of these attributes seem to be applicable to ADHD, as well. Is that a coincidence, or is there a lot of overlap between Asperger’s and ADHD? Because (of course!) another of my kids was dx’ed as ADHD as a child, and still deals with a lot of the issues as an adult.


  9. I read this out of interest as im quite aware off how odd i am. More so now that I’m in my 30s.
    I just read down this check list cringing at how many things i could tick off (almost ALL). I actually had to put my phone down! Thanks (i think) 😂

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Wow. Erm… so I’ve known for a while now that I’m socially awkward, tend to talk about myself more than I should, have weird interests, and am sensitive to sensory input. I took two detailed tests online so far and also read what you listed for Asperger Syndrome and pretty much everything outside of not remembering faces fits me to a T. Funny thing is I never considered before that I could be on the Autism Spectrum despite meeting others who to me most obviously are. Now I feel rather… stupid for missing it in myself. I see my therapist this week and likely will relate my findings with her. Perhaps she can help give some insight.


  11. I am a 34 year old female and I am in tears right now. I was one of the first wave of children diagnosed with bipolar disorder when I was 4 years old. All my life I was told it’s bipolar disorder, you have a mental illness and this is the reason you act like you do. For 30 years of my life I have been bipolar. 30 years. I no longer think that assessment is correct. After reading the article in Scientific America on female ASD and now this article I am highly confused by the emotions coming in. I keep telling my mother, “I know I am supposed to feel a sense of relief with having a non professional diagnosis but I just feel fear and dread with this change, I’ve always had bipolar.” And now I’m laughing because that in and of itself ties into what this is or may be. If I were to put an arbitrary percentage of what is correct on this checklist it would be around 98%, and now I want to go back and check what the non arbitrary number would be. This is my life. Thank you for this article, I am heading over to Amazon now to purchase your book. Thank you for the research and the knowledge and your hard work. Thank you.


  12. I’m a 40 year old woman, who looks very young, and acts in ways that my closest family and friends would call “childish.” I shut down when anxiety gets too much, which destroys me to know that I’m negatively impacting on my family. I always knew I had social awkwardness (that over many years i managed to fake to get jobs and try to maintain friendships) anxiety in many aspects of life and i do suffer from depression, but i never considered the possibility of being on the spectrum until it became apparent in my eldest son, who is now 6, and is a beautiful child that has behavioural, sensory and social difficulties. My youngest son Saxon, has none of these difficulties and is polar opposite. So much of the traits listed are myself, the agoraphobic tendencies that i have and have affected my life considerably are especially where I’m trying to get some clarity. Anxiety and social awkwardness have really had a negative impact, i have obsessive interests from when i was a young child. it is starting to become clear that women everywhere are now getting to know themselves better now that the ratios have come to light. Thanks for the clarity.


  13. Wow. Thank you for this. I’m 21 and have just started to read up on ASD after hearing that women with Asperger’s are often misdiagnosed with borderline personality disorder (I received a diagnosis of depression with anxiety last year, and BPD in January). Tried online ASD assessments and my scores far exceeded that of the ASD threshold, which I attributed to BPD and ASD sharing similarities… But the tests made me aware that I also show traits that are typical of ASD but not so for BPD, such as stimming, inability to understand social norms and cues (still struggling although I’ve come to learn them), very intense and specific interests in details that seem obscure to others…

    After reading this list, I’m more convinced to talk about this possibility to my therapist. A lot of items in your list could be easily written by someone with BPD, and I relate with them, but there are also things that, as I mentioned, specific to ASD but not BPD and still checked. Thank you for the list, I just hope that my therapist won’t dismiss my need to discuss this…


  14. 95% on total. I never knew what was wrong with me, I’m now 55. Have always faced agonizing relationship problems with every single person in my life. Always odd person out, even in groups. Taken advantage of in every single relationship, just cannot comprehend what’s wrong with people and why they are the way they are. So much wasted time and energy over all these problems with no answers. Terrible feelings of humiliation and no confidence in every job ….low pay in all, taken advantage of because tasks were my escape and always completed so timely and correct. (Difference for me is the numbers, enjoy them, but never been fixated on them, but am on trying to figure things or people interactions out …. can get fixated and tumble it over and over in my head till my brain hurts, and physical pain from worry) . Managers in every job I’ve ever had, would keep adding more until literally doing work of 2 or 3 people. It hurts very terribly emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausting looking back and realizing this. I feel stupid how easy I was. Very humiliating hearing how smart other coworkers were, for doing so much less and out smarting everyone….I guess that is how one really makes it, not by working hard but being manipulative enough to have everyone else do the work. Same with social “friendships “. Not working right now, needing down time, worried and hurt for future. High functioning and “pass” initially until people begin to know and observe me, then faster than I know and can react, like months down the road and way too late, realize I’m being exploited and cannot figure out how i got there or how to fix the situation. Communication deteriorates rapidly, exploited again in trying to communicate, then the anger humiliation and shame, taking it all on as my fault and looking for first opportunity to leave, without the manager / person taking any responsibility of their own, is then blamed on me. Not exaggerating, every single relationship, and job. Including parents. Never able to fix these things. Not feeling sorry for self, these things are true. By saying it and looking back and calling it as it was, I AM taking my own responsibility as well as the others too! Just needing to get it out and wondering if others here have experienced same. I feel no solutions, because of these challenges, others do not understand and will take advantage to exploit. It’s taken all my life to just finally get here and by your article and comments realize and feel validation, finally, THIS is who I am, I understand now even though others don’t. Do not even know how I managed to, but am married to a wonderful supportive man, it took many years of working through issues, including being taken advantage of, but now he understands and still wants to stay for the long haul. THIS is where I feel fortunate and blessed. He is my best friend. And from past experiences, I am okay with that over the moon.


  15. My name is Tiffany, and I’m a 35 year old woman, who suspects, very intensely, that I have High-functioning Autism. Throughout my childhood, I rarely spoke, unless spoken to, and even then, I tend to stay quiet, or unresponsive. I kept to myself and my specific interest, at the time, it was WWF wrestling, music, and movies. I just stayed in my room, alone, enjoying these things. Wrestling was like an obsession, couldn’t wait for a the next Pay Per View and weekly TV shows. I didn’t care about much else. I went to public school, and was often bullied by my peers, with words, calling me a nerd and fat, consistently. I didn’t react because I was very fearful. I never told anyone, including my parents. I never felt the need to go over a my fellow peers houses, not like I was invited, much. I just went to school, came home, went into my room, and did my homework. I was very obedient when it came to doing what I was told, by my mom. I felt very shy, and I was always quiet, especially since my mom would express that to people when she was in their company, making me feel like I was weird for being that way. I was an A student, which was a burden because if I got anything less than an A, especially on my report card, I would feel defeated and afraid of how my mom, in particular, would react. She had a more extroverted personality, and my dad was rather passive. I did whatever she asked if me, and if I seemed as if I didn’t want to do it, she would tell at me or passively aggressively say things that would hurt me. I was so sensitive to where I would cry, often, even at something that seems so trivial. My mom drove me to school, until I was 17 years old. I always felt embarrassed when she would take me to school. Throughout high school, I went through the same experiences that I did in elementary school. I graduated high school, but I was fearful of working because I didn’t think that I could consistently do a good job, and I feared criticism and, potentially, being bullied by co-workers, who had a more of an outgoing personality. I’ve started jobs, I but never finished them, always quitting. My mom made me apply for public assistance, which she benefited more than myself. She would make me feel guilt over not working. I lived with my family until I was 22 years old. I was afraid to let my mom know that I’m moving out, into a low income housing complex. I always thought that I would live with her, forever, so I was excited to get away from her verbally, emotionally, psychologically abusiveness, although I was afraid to be responsible for myself, now that I was moving out. She was angry at me, and tried to sabotage my transition. When I moved out, it was the last time that I reached out to her, until 4 years later, when my sister told me that she had cancer. It was very awkward being around her, not only because I felt bad that she was dying, but our relationship was non existent prior to this. She passed away then, 3 months later. During the years that I moved out, a high school friend of mine, who was also an ‘outcast’, gave me a number to a mental health clinic. My consistent diagnosis was Major Depressive Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I’ve been in many programs, prescribed medications, but my life felt the same. As I’ve gotten older, I realized that I didn’t hate people, I just hated myself because I was different, not fitting in, anywhere, so I continued to be a hermit and non-social. I applied for SSI, and was awarded a monthly payment. Even though I was academically smart, I still felt mentally challenged. My Therapists and Psychiatrist never mentioned anything about Autism or High Functioning Autism, so I went on thinking that I was just a depressed, fearful, lazy person, but something kept telling me that there’s more to me than what was diagnosed. Research upon research, I feel that deep down I may have High-functioning Autism. It just makes sense, especially with the things that I do and say and think. I’m afraid to approach any of my doctors with this, in fear of them telling me that I need to stop worrying about my health and just dismissing me. They all see a person who’s articulate, dresses ok, and very smart, so therefore, I can go out and work and have a more fulfilling life, but deep down, it doesn’t feel that way. I haven’t done laundry in several months, my apartment is not the cleanest, except for on the surface. My closets are a mess, and bills are tough to deal with. I still like being alone, but I want real connections with people that I have yet to feel. People in my life have negative opinions about me, thinking that I’m lazy, and it sucks because I feel that they just don’t get it. I’m 35 years old, and my life isn’t going anywhere. I need help, but I’m not sure what help to ask for. I’ve gone through life without a healthy support system, so to me, it’s no wonder why my life is sedentary and stagnant. Please help! I have no one to advocate for me, besides myself, and I’m not doing a great job. Thanks for reading.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. thank you for sharing your story. Please consider going to Facebook and searching for Aspergers and Autism groups. There is a lot of peer support out there. Also see myspectrumsuite.com for resources. It’s important to find safe and understanding people. You aren’t alone.


    2. Oh you poor thing – I have to read your story with more time and concentration but will come back for sure. Not a professional but a late discovered Aspie myself. Hope you did or will do the test on this site to get more clarification. Give me the week and I will get back to your post – Kristina


    3. Dear Tiffany — have you been able to do the online test so far? And how are you feeling since you are obviously reading up on Asperger – I can fully understand how you feel about yourself and finding out that there are some things inside you that aren’t easy to understand and even harder to live with or even change is coming like a shock – I know that’s what it did to me. The more I researched, the more I learned, the more I found out about Asperger and it’s UP-sides, the better I felt. It is not all bad – it is just different and in many parts even better :)) — I am still swamped with some issues at home but hope you let me know if you are interested in some exchange on this site for further help.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. The above comment was from me – charliesbestfriend – although it showed under my name … sorry for the confusion.


  16. Wow. I feel most of these things. I always just thought I was shy, introverted, and sensitive, but lately I’ve been noticing things about myself that I’m finding on this list. Like if I’m somewhere and the music is too loud I start to freak out and get irritable because I can’t hear myself think, or if I’m in the car listening to music and have to tell someone something I have to turn the music completely off to talk or else I can’t deal with the sound! If I’m trying to talk and hear the background music it’s just too much for me and I feel so overwhelmed! Or sometimes if I’m on the phone with someone and the connection isn’t good and I hear static or I have to keep repeating myself, I get so overwhelmed that I freak out and have to hang up. I tend to have a lot of patience but not with things like this. No one understands these things and they just say I’m too sensitive. I’m sensitive with everything… light, feelings, sound, digestion, taste. I noticed I like very bland foods.. too much flavor is overwhelming. I get overwhelmed very easily. I’ve had horrible vivid nightmares ever since I was a child.. people always chasing me trying to hurt me. It seems I’m always paranoid. I’m awful at social interaction. How does everyone else know what to say to people? I need to plan in my head ahead of time or else my mind goes blank. But I would much rather talk about deep life issues than the weather or school. I hate small talk. And I need so much time alone to recharge. If I don’t get to recharge enough I feel overwhelmed in conversation. But if I do feel comfortable enough I tend to overshare. There have been times where I’ll tell my whole life story to someone I barely know. I’ll often get hooked on new projects and just become completely absorbed by them, spending days doing only that. And I feel so much like a child. At 22 I see all the women around me and they seem like adults. I feel so much like a child that I don’t even feel comfortable calling myself a woman.. I still feel like a girl. My sister is five years younger and people always think she’s older than me. They usually guess that I’m 17. I’m always tired, possibly chronic fatigue. I’m always thinking about life, how lucky we are to be here, but also about what my place is here. People say I’m too innocent and naive. I always would rather see the good in people though, than just assume the worst. I always pick the skin on my lips and I don’t know why! I can never seem to stop.. If I’m not doing that I’m picking my face or something that I can do non-stop. My emotions always feel extreme. I’m either stressed or completely calm, depressed or so happy to be alive. I’m always so anxious about things.. going to the store, appointments, making phone calls. My whole life I’ve been anxious. My parents said ever since I was a baby. Any big life step that came along I’d throw temper tantrums and kick and scream. When I had to start wearing a training bra I cried for days and wouldn’t stop fighting with my mom. When it came to getting my license I took two extra years to take the test. I never wanted to grow up. I would go into my parents room and cry about whatever new change I had to deal with. I was never comfortable in gym class when we had to change in the locker rooms. If I have something coming up I have to prepare for it mentally for days, and if something comes up last minute I usually have to say no because I wasn’t prepared for it. No one understands this. I’ve turned down jobs before if they were last minute because I wasn’t mentally ready. And I take criticism so harshly. I’m a photographer, so when I submit work to people if I don’t get an “I love them!” I start overthinking and stressing and going on and on about how they must not like them. If I do actually get criticized for something it pretty much ruins my day. My heart drops and I don’t know how to act. To this day I still love animals and will take an ant or spider outside so I don’t have to kill it. I always notice patterns in things, and I do have favorite numbers. When I’m editing photos I’ll only use certain numbers for my settings. I don’t have a lot of friends, but the ones I do have are either older or younger. I’m very much in my own head. Ever since I was a child I was always dressing up and pretending to be someone I wasn’t, or somewhere I wasn’t. My imagination has played a huge part in my art. I’m always creating art about escaping, about using my imagination to escape to other worlds. I’m very much interested in the other worldly and fantastical. And I’m very attuned to other people’s feelings and emotions. I cry so easily, and therefore hate sad movies and emotional events like graduations. I don’t even want to walk at mine because I hate being so emotional. And I don’t feel worthy of all the attention! Also, I’m awful with following unwritten directions. I almost got fired at my first fast food job because if they didn’t tell me to do something I wouldn’t do it. I was always horrible at making judgements like whether to open a new food at the end of the night, because it wasn’t something that was written down.
    I can check most of these items. But now I don’t know what to do! I feel a bit silly to go to a therapist and ask because I’m worried they would just sort of laugh at me or think it was silly of me to come. A part of me wants to know but a part of me doesn’t. Would you say being diagnosed has helped you enough? Do you regret knowing?

    Thank you.


    1. thank you for sharing. You aren’t alone. Sounds familiar. No, I am pleased and happy to know, but it was a long acceptance process. Many of us on Facebook if you want to join us. Diagnoses brought closure. see everyday aspie for a post there where women speak about what having diagnosis meant to them. Best to you!


    2. Marisa – you spoke out of my heart, my soul, my mind – I feel the exact same things and then some. To me at 58 the diagnosis has two faces – the one feels finally explained, the other feels worried since the only 2 people in my life (family) who know, who I shared my findings with – do not take it serious and sadly on occasion hint out that I would use it as an excuse. Unfortunately do we live very remote and I have no chance to talk or even contact in person to an educated professional. I agree with the comment ‘it was a long acceptance process’ -and I am still working on it. Like in many other regards it seems that there is a great deal of self-teaching involved – a sorting within yourself, trying to combine your new knowledge with your reality and find a way that is less hurtful. Like those nightmares you (and I and many others) have – when I have a bad night – a vivid, almost real nightmare – I get up no matter the time (it’s early morning usually) and do whatever takes my mind off those dreams, exercise, watch TV, go outside to my horses, in nature — it helps a great deal. I used to have panic attacks not knowing why those dreams are haunting me and being told to be ‘crazy, bipolar’ etc. etc. Those extreme emotions – ‘normal’ people will not ever understand and now I started to cover them as much as possible in front of others – the social balancing act so to speak … no wonder I keep thinking that I ended up living so remote, I don’t have to see anyone for days if I don’t want to (2nd husband excluded – but then there is always another room to go to :/ )
      I am not on FB and like the one on one more – it keeps the small talk out and I can focus on the core issue.
      Keeping busy as much as I can helps a lot too – it gives me purpose, always did. Photography is a wonderful thing and I understand how you overthink the slightest wrinkle on the forehead of a customer since to you it was the perfect picture, but then your’e embarrassed and wonder if you made a mistake and how to fix it and on and on and on. I lost most ‘friends’ in my life over those issues – not liking small talk and gossip seems to be an offense to most people and often a person who likes the ‘deep life issues’ is intimidating to those and so they turn away. Please stay in contact – I will come back here.


      1. Thank you so much for taking the time to respond! It really means a lot!
        Did you get officially diagnosed??
        It’s weird for me, because even though I have all of these things, a huge part of me wants to just think it’s a coincidence. I suppose it could be possible, to have all these things but not aspergers. But then a part of me feels like I’m just trying to deny it. A part of me feels like I would rather not know, because I’ve made it this far and most people seem to think I’m normal, though I’ve really never felt that way. My whole life I always felt like something was different for me, like I was never the same as everyone else. But could it be that I’m just stretching this? Just to be able to have an explanation for how I act? I really really like to be able to put myself into categories. I’ve taken so many personality tests over the years, and the Myers-Briggs one recently, where I learned I’m an INFP. It’s really very interesting to be able to read things about yourself that are so accurate. I’ve been obsessed with learning about it ever since… strengths and weaknesses, and other famous people who are INFPs.
        This is an excerpt from the description of INFPs: “Unlike their Extraverted cousins though, INFPs will focus their attention on just a few people, a single worthy cause – spread too thinly, they’ll run out of energy, and even become dejected and overwhelmed by all the bad in the world that they can’t fix. If they are not careful, INFPs can lose themselves in their quest for good and neglect the day-to-day upkeep that life demands. INFPs often drift into deep thought, enjoying contemplating the hypothetical and the philosophical more than any other personality type. Left unchecked, INFPs may start to lose touch, withdrawing into “hermit mode”, and it can take a great deal of energy from their friends or partner to bring them back to the real world.”
        So a part of me just feels like maybe it’s just my personality. I’m not sure.
        (Here’s the link to see more: https://www.16personalities.com/infp-personality)
        If you haven’t taken it I highly suggest it. There’s an adaptation to the original test at https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test . I have a feeling many of us may have similar results. Let me know if you take it! I’m interested to see!


  17. INTJ-T is my Myers-Briggs — I believe that everyone falls into some personality drawer – of course – and yes being diagnosed but realizing that there is a reason for some of the really bad traits, and trying to work on them I find now easier than just sitting back and putting it as – that’s my personality and end of story. To diagnose a seemingly normal person who just has ‘a few negative’ traits but otherwise manages life pretty good seems extremely hard to me and takes a lot of skill. I found there are so many positive side on Asperger that I can build on further and make me not wonder anymore WHY am I doing this or that, WHY am I so persistent on an issue, why do I have emotional breakdowns etc. etc. I like to have a reason for everything because this seems the only way for me to understand and go forward. I strongly believe that even ‘personality’ can be learned to some degree once one understood the underlying causes. Separating the good from the bad is step 1 for me since there is no reason to change the good, now I can focus on the bad much better and it helps me to go through every day. The worst part is having a partner who is not convinced just yet and expects too much in too short of time. It really bugs me that my first comment does not show – I had some good thoughts into it.


    1. Sorry you lost your comment. But it’s good to hear your thoughts! I’m the same where I always like to have a reason for everything. I’m definitely going to do further research on this. Thank you again!


    2. It’s hard when the people you love don’t want to listen to it: my parents – despite me being almost diagnosed with ASD as a young child (results inconclusive-ish) continue to write off the things I persistently struggle with. As if it’s a character flaw, or something I can fix, even though I’ve tried to fix them for all my life.


  18. I am an adult women with Aspergers as well. I wrote my story of self-discovery, The Snow Queen’s Daughter in 2013, published by Bramble Books. I find that many items on the author’s schecklist are spot on especially, ‘retreats to other rooms’ at parties. I have tried repeatedly to have fun at parties, but just unable to do so. I also agree with the author that I never say “I have Asperger’s’ or “a person with autism.” I am an Aspie. I am autistic. Period. To say, “I have autism” implies that autism is a disease or defect which should be cured, ie. “I have a broken leg” or “I have influenza” You could mend the broken leg or treat the influenza and I would be the same person, only better, but if some how my autism were taken away, I would become someone totally different than me.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Every other day I wonder if I have Asperger’s and this list is so scary to me and I’m crying. It describes me so much. Only a few things in the whole list don’t apply to me. I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD, GAD, and depression. But I wonder every other day if I have Asperger’s. I don’t even know if you’d call me high functioning as I am not successful in life at all, I dropped out of college and can only get by with selling thrift store clothing from home. I’m almost 24. I haven’t found ADHD meds that work because most medication makes me really sick. My biggest struggle has been sensory overload my whole life. It makes routine things like school or work feel like a living hell and I always get fired or drop out. I have such a low capacity for social interaction and my comfort zone is so small. That is the main thing that kept me wondering if I have it. I just didn’t match up to anyone I know that has it. I always thought my mannerisms were really awkward and not like other people’s. Ok, I could go on and on about how everything about me matches your list, I could write forever. I always thought that because I was a fairly easy kid to take care of in my childhood that I didn’t have it, or that I’m highly empathetic and that means I don’t have it. But when I’m in social situations I’m so careful to not make things awkward even though I do overshare about my issues (my struggles have pretty much defined my life by now and I don’t have much else going on to talk about) and they seem to go well, as long as we have things in common. Sometimes I can even be charismatic in conversations, I feel like? But I’m constantly imitating people’s expressions in the mirror when I’m alone, now and throughout my entire life it’s the #1 thing I do when I’m alone. I can’t even handle hanging out with my friends very often. Sometimes it makes me so on edge I feel sick afterward. I should probably stop writing now.


  20. I relate to many of the comments here. I sought diagnosis of BPD two years ago and then I was diagnosed.. I do still think I have BPD, but I also think I have Aspergers, I do/am most things on this list. I’m not to sure about stimming. I skin pick and sometimes I bounce my leg on my nerve sort of thing. It’s weird to see yourself, described in a list.. (And I’ve read this list over a few years now)
    When I was born I was in breech and had to be born by caesarean.. My foot was twisted and I more or less was in and out of hospital since birth, there was even talk of me having learning difficulties I think.
    I’m 40 now and only just seeing a psych. I’m not like most with BPD I guess. I described my mums life (I also believe she had Aspergers or ADD or something) and the psych said that we both possibly were on the Autistic spectrum. I’d thought ADD, but she feels it’s more ASD.. Is there any point at 40, of being diagnosed? I do want to go for diagnosis.. But I’m not sure the Drs want it, because they just see it as “another excuse”.. Which is very unhelpful. I’d rather have the diagnosis so they and others can’t bully me…


      1. I was really interested to see Elhers Danlos syndrome mentioned. I wasn’t quite sure what that was.. I knew I was double-jointed as a child, but I didn’t know there was a syndrome or name for it. After looking into it late last night, I realised I have it! Now I know why my foot was probably twisted in the womb! And why my leg once bent the wrong way when I fell over once in the past. I can do all the weird joint things! So I learnt something else new about myself, thanks lol. (I think I just have the Hypermobile version)..


  21. I’ve just been diagnosed at 36. AS plus Trauma.

    Reading this is like you have written it about me.
    The comfort I have found for the first in my life realizing I’m not some freak that is beyond help.

    Knowing what I am has a name and that I’m not alone, only another Aspy will understand the relief.

    Thank you a hundred times over for this list.


  22. Thank you so much — so helpful to understand my 13yo daughter, dx’ed last year. Difficulty with friends, difficulty connecting, unable to work in groups at school. Trying to show her there is a community out there where she fits in; she is not alone.

    Thank you❤️


  23. I quizzed myself and 132 of these points apply to me. I don’t consider myself to be autistic, but I am an intuitive in a sensor dominated world. (I am referring to Myer’s Briggs and Jungian personality theory). In tests, 75% of people tested as “Sensors” aka skilled in the sensory department. While the remaining 25% are “Intuitives.”


  24. I’m a transgender man who hasn’t gone through any medical changes (hormones, surgery, etc.) And lately I’ve been wondering if I might be autistic, and just doing a general search pulls up dmab symptoms and then I realized I’m dfab so I need to so research on that side but it’s hard cuz of the she/her pronouns pbbth

    Anyway some sections I relate to everything listed and others none at all, could it be possible I have autism if I only relate to some sections?


  25. I have Asperger’s I was diagnosed at the age of 7 because I used to “mirror play” and never got involved in social activities with anyone including my family. I’m 19 now and the father of my child used to manipulate me the whole relationship and I was blind to it. He even stopped me from leaving the house hiding phones and smashing up the place to stop me from talking to my family, I forgave him time after time. He even hospitalized me during pregnancy, scared me to the point I started bleeding at 24 weeks of pregnancy. He constantly called me mentally unstable, threatening custody before she was even here. I believed I was, I even believed it was my fault that he was doing all that, I left him soon after Melody was born. I never truly feel like I am being myself when I am around people even close friends, I try so hard to fit in sometimes it can feel exhausting. When I’m around family all that changes I can be my goofy inappropriate thoughtless self.. but until my daughter came along (she is my strength) I had crippling anxiety problems, I used to feel embarrassed to speak around strangers (weird I know) like I could go an hour in a room with a group of more than three without speaking If one of them was someone I did not know. I used to severely self harm and often thought of suicide because I didn’t know how to be “normal”. All that has changed now I am seeking help to understand who I am and how Asperger’s doesn’t make me
    a “stupid” person and why It’s apart of my forgiving oblivious nature which I now find beautiful, now I just want to be the best I can be for my daughter, she just turned 4 months.


  26. More then 90% of this relates to me, possibly more of ones that I’m not self aware of (which I am pretty self aware of myself because I analize the heck out of myself even though I may not be aware of what I’m doing at the time.). I’ve wondered if I had Asperger in the past when I had to google what aspergers was in order to explain it to my mom about a friend who had it when he said something that puzzled her. Everytime I look at the list the more I connect with this being the answer to so many of my problems. I finally got diagnosed with ADD with combination at 29. (The sympthoms have been there for years and when starting my job last year it was like I never left home or work because my boss and dad would complain about the same stuff.) I’m afraid of pursing a diagnosis because i know so many women get misdiagnosed. I had one dr tell me “your walking through a crowd and they start laughing, what are they laughing at?” and because i replied “me” he said I didn’t have it because “me” was a normal response. But as my aspie friend pointed out “was that a learned response?” which I’m sure it is because I’ve been made fun of my whole life. I would still like to know. I’m 30 years old and am mentally in some areas around that of a early 20 year old, on a bad day… high school. There are social skills I servery lack for someone my age among other issues. Where/whom could I go to to get an adult diagnosis? I have a hard enough time finding people who want to deal with my adult ADD.

    Liked by 1 person

  27. Anyone know of any organizations or clubs that promote friendships among adult ASPIE females? I’d love to find people with similar interests in my state (PA) who would be interested in starting as pen pals with the potential to meet at some point.


  28. Hit 80% overall, but some lists were 100% me. Never diagnosed and always just thought I was a nerdy kid who grew up into an intellectual adult. Wow. This really puts my childhood and the bullying I experienced into perspective.


  29. Literally cried the whole time reading this. For a woman almost in her 40’s to just now for the first time read in black and white all of the things that I struggled with my entire life is extremely revealing and overwhelming. I was diagnosed with ADHD as a young child but I always knew something much more than just attention deficit was going on with me & to have this list is priceless because it puts words to things that I didn’t have words for before. Every single thing listed except for one FITS ME 100%. I am a mom of 5 and 4 have autism, one is a girl, so it is important that I understand myself better so I can further teach my sons and my daughter to better understand themselves.. I am very grateful to this post, for me and so many others that this will help.. Thank you from my heart 💙


  30. Thanks so much for putting this up, I was diagnosed as borderline aspergergers as a kid and all I ever find are lists of symptoms men have that I never relate to as much. I’ve been thinking about getting assessed again after being treated for only mental health problems for years and I relate to so much of this so hopefully if I do get re-assessed I can express my symptoms better.


  31. I can relate to most of these things. I have generalised anxiety and have recently been diagnosed as being on the Autism spectrum. The related issues you mentioned, such as generalised anxiety, chronic exhaustion, eating disorders, dyslexia and codependency (often coupled with narcissism) also struck a cord with me because I never realised that ALL these things could be related to my Autism.

    Even the oversharing thing — I don’t mind oversharing because I can rearrange my thought process that way. But I also realise that it may be boring to other people. In fact, I would have deleted this post before I even made it had I not decided that it’s OK for me to say these things on this forum because hopefully people ARE interested in my POV as I am interested in theirs.

    Socialising exhausts me. I live in a residential hall at university and I really want to get involved with the community, but lately it has been incredibly exhausting. Since getting more involved with the community, I have become much more tired. Last week I feel asleep inside a lecture. After a few hours of talking with people and am otherwise well-rested, I feel drained.

    I am constantly tired. Ever since my teen years when I started having my own goals and projects to do I have had to deal with the feeling of having to force my way through I layer of fatigue in order to get things done. Sometimes, in order to get the same amount of work done as someone else I actually do a lot more work behind the scenes. This was ESPECIALLY the case transitioning from self-taught home schooling to the formal education system when I was 19 years old.

    I have used relationships to escape. When I admire somebody, I want to imitate everything about them. Their use of language, their gestures, their body language. After being scrutinised in this fashion no wonder they feel they have no choice but to abruptly end our friendship without an explanation. Being admired is generally considered to be a good thing, and it’s just really weird to tell someone to go away because they admired you too much. A few years ago I was in love with this guy who has many narcissistic traits. He encouraged my behaviour towards him in a way, but eventually even he wanted to distance himself from me. I am still trying to reconcile what was for me, a blockage of access to one of the most interesting people I’ve ever met.

    On that note, I’ve been trying to think of ideas for writing a short story or poem for mental health zines in my university’s mental health week publication for Woroni Newspaper. I think the tropes of Echo and Narcissus from Greek mythology are wonderful character tropes.


  32. Hello,
    I’m 22, recently graduated college, and just received a diagnosis of Aspergers a couple of weeks ago. I was placed at the very end of the spectrum – it was quite a shock as I was expecting ADHD instead. I’ve been having a lot of trouble digesting it, not because of any stigma against ASD, but rather that it just doesn’t “fit”, and I have this overwhelming need for my diagnosis to “fit”. When I start to think about it too much, I start to panic because I am just so confused and ashamed that I can’t identify.

    This list is the first thing I have seen that I can finally identify mostly with – so many fit! But even then, there are some sections like “I” and “J” that I can check some off, but definitely not 75%. I have had some people so excited to the point of wanting to bake me a cake because they say it fits (including my counselor whom I meet with weekly), but just as many say they don’t think it does (including my mother, and my boyfriend who is on the edge like I am). I’m so confused because of it. It feels wrong to agree with the diagnosis if I don’t fit it 100%, it feels like I am being a fraud.

    I have always been a generally awkward person, and was extremely annoying/overbearing as a kid – in my early years I could read signs from people easily and could tell when someone wanted me to stop pushing their buttons, but I could literally not access my own off switch. Once I hit my teens and found friends online, I became very proud of my social skills. To this day, I get very anxious if a conversation goes poorly/awkwardly, because I am terrified of returning to how I used to be. But regardless, my ability to /read/ people, which is what I have taken to be a key trait of Aspergers, has never been lacking. I would always say that I was great at making friends, but keeping/developing those friendships was another matter. But even still, I don’t know if it is bad enough to categorize me with Aspergers – maybe I’m in denial. I wish a professional could replay my life like a video and tell me for sure.

    A large reason the diagnosis was made was because of the comorbidity. I have had sensory issues all my life; a state of worrying growing up that morphed into anxiety, which grew to be crippling in the past couple of years; depression that surfaced in college but has been very pervasive since; and ADD/ADHD symptoms (a big reason why I thought that was what I had). I’ve literally asked both my psychiatrist and counselor “Why can’t I just have contained Sensory Processing Disorder, Generalized Anxiety, Major Depressive Disorder, and ADD, all separate? Why Aspergers?” And my psychiatrist in particular said Aspergers is like a constellation, and I fit most of the stars. But if I don’t fit the ones that shine the brightest (a certain disconnect in reading people socially), then can I really say I have it? Have I gotten the wrong idea of what defines Aspergers? Usually I am extremely good at being introspective and analyzing myself, but I just don’t have the capacity to agree or even disagree on this and it’s driving me crazy.

    I’m sorry for this wall of text, but I just really wanted to speak with others who are more sure of their diagnosis and see where they stand, and maybe even get the opinions of those who might not have identified with their diagnoses at first. I can see parts where it fits, but at the same time I can see parts where it really doesn’t, and those parts where it doesn’t fit seems to be the hallmark factors of Aspergers.

    Thank you very much,


    1. Often, in their teens, females on the spectrum develop extreme empathy and go on to read others with ease… too much ease. Thank you for sharing. I would suggest checking out some online groups listed at myspectrumsuite.com. The autism community will be able to provide you their perspectives and input. Neurodiversity embraces the fact that there are no definite lines… recently a neurologists has found 400 markers that identify autism and has suggested great overlap and no clear cut marker for autism itself.


      1. Thank you so much, Aspergers Girls, that part about empathy sounds very much like my experience. It’s also very calming to hear about there being no definite lines with the diagnosis. I took some time to go through the list again, this time with the second opinion of my boyfriend, and he gave me new perspective that I hadn’t been able to come up with on my own. I hope that I will continue to slowly understand this diagnosis more as I have been. Thank you again, I’ll definitely look into that site.


  33. Thank you so much for this blog! My daughter who is 9 years old just got diagnosed with Aspergers and looking at all these most of it that is age appropriate is my daughter and now its about seeking the correct help. I wish all my daughter had was Aspergers but that would just be too easy. At the age of 4 she was diagnosed with severe ADHD, which is rare in females to show such a dominant ADHD traits, age 6 she was diagnosed with a form of OCD, however, since this diagnoses that has now been removed as apparently that goes with the traits of females and Asperger, age 8 she was diagnosed with severed learning disabilities in reading and writing, however, exceptionally high in mathematics and sciences, and how this past summer her final formal diagnoses from her child psychologist is ADHD, LD, social anxiety and Aspergers, and your blog has helped a lot as this is a lot for a 9 year old child to digest. I will have to take a look at your book as well. Again thank you for sharing your experiences and history of this.


    1. You are most welcome. There are many coexisting conditions for individuals on the autism spectrum. Most you listed I have had at one point or another in my life, or still do. Feel free to facebook friend me. I am glad your daughter has you.


  34. This may be a long shot, but any suggestions as to how to go about getting tested for autism as an adult? I’m sort of desperate to get tested, mainly for my own peace of mind, but I’m 35 years old and everywhere I look, services are only available for children. And the few who will test an adult, rarely seem to take insurance. Does anyone have insight on how a person could get started? Does this all start with a conversation with your regular primary care doctor, or a therapist, or is it best to just start bugging all of the autism-focused doctors until someone eventually bites? And is there no way to escape paying thousands of dollars for a screening? (Sorry for so many questions, but I’m so lost as to how to get started.)


  35. Almost everything in this checklist applied to me, but some of them spoke so strongly of my experiences that it brought tears to my eyes. Many of these are things that I have wondered for years if they are normal for other people (which is also one of the traits). I feel like I function relatively well in society but a lot of it is through practice. I have to remind myself of the rules in many situations and often find myself even searching google to understand how to act in a certain situation or why people act the way they do. I feel that I am a very empathetic person but I also think that I experience empathy differently than how some people do. I find great escape in novels and very much prefer being alone to being social. I do make an effort to be social but I often notice a feeling of exhaustion or anxiety if i have been social for too long. I have never been able to initiate a friendship but have been extremely lucky to find friends who have made the friendship happen. I do much better in structured social environments like clubs and am generally very anxious about hanging out with no set plan. Overall this checklist helped me to know that i am not alone and to understand myself better. I plan on reading your book and I am very thankful that you have recorded your experiences to help the rest of us see that we are not alone.


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